a1a100 | (no subject)

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Phone.

Tho, I've been hearing thingth about a danthe? Ith it thomething mandatory and if it ith, what are we even thuppothed to do for it?

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No, it's not mandatory, nor is it encouraged if, say, you're a scrawny nooksniffer who couldn't get someone to date him if a drone was knocking at her hive entrance.

I can get thomeone to date me.

I love the way it feels to be so overwhelmed by doubt and condescending skepticism. It's the primary reason I talk to you.

Thut up. I can get a date to Homecoming and I will.

Have you actually asked someone?

[Curiosity getting the best of his dedication to insult Sollux...]

Jade athked me, acthually.

[choking sounds]

What?

Sorry, I accidentally swallowed my mastication muscle in a futile attempt not to be alive anymore.

She did what?

The athked me to Homecoming. Ith that a problem?

Yes, it's a problem. Do not trust her. Harley is on a one human vascular pump devastation mission. She is only attempting to get her hideous human claws in you so she can rip it out and grind it to shreds with her disgusting flat human teeth.

Oh my god. I am going to fucking murder her.

What the hell are you even talking about Vantath?

[SOB BUT JADE SEEMS REALLY NICE]

Let me explain. Since arriving here, she's attempted to kiss one troll, rejected another troll's flushed advances, accepted another troll's pale advances, confessed to a different troll her own flushed feelings and got him to feel that way about her back, and has now asked a different troll to homecoming.

She's on a deadly poor rom decisions spree and she isn't leaving any survivors, and I intend to put a goddamn stop to it.

... holy thit.

I'm glad we had this talk and accepted that no one really wants to go to a dance with you. I have to go deal with this, so just ask Feferi or something, is that even so hard?

Jade thaid FF wath going to be athked by thomeone elthe tho I don't really want to athk her becauthe I'm thure the'll go with whoever athkth.

Ugh, don't be such an asshole. Jade is friends with Eridan, it cannot possibly be more obvious what she's trying to do. That doesn't make it okay with me, especially because I don't wish something that awful on Feferi. Do you?

Wait, Eridan'th athking her?

[That little fuck]

He'th probably going to ruin the whole night for her. Although, why thould we worry I mean I'm thure FF wouldn't go with him.

I hope not. But she's especially not going to, because you're going to undertake the excruciating process of peeling your ass off your seat and ask her yourself.

Right. I'll athk her when I get the chanthe.

Okay. I have to go strangle Harley, so we can talk after you've offered Feferi the lesser of two terrible options.

Alright.

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