No. You tell me first. God, I don't even know why this is so important to you, or why you think you really can't trust me if you don't know this. But there is a reason I do not tell anyone, and I'm not going to stand around talking to you after I tell you, I am going to get the fuck out of here.

I promise that while I'm flying off ten handles, I will be sure to share this with you before I make my disgraceful exit.

[He sighs]

Alright, alright. Fair enough.

I was gone for two days because I was at the Condesce's house. Before you say anything, I made a deal with her that would ensure all of our safety. I told her that...

I told her that I would do anything for her, I would become her servant if she spared our lives.

Are you fucking kidding me?

[He's trying to be angry, and part of him is, but mostly he's just concerned. This is much, much worse than he thought.]

Oh my god, you idiot. Do you know how long I spent convincing Feferi not to do exactly that? Who died and put you in charge of martyr complexes?

I figured that if anyone would do something like this, it would be best to be me.

[It's not like anyone cares about Sollux anyway]

Why. That doesn't make sense. You because you're the most self-important asshole in our number, so you think you should take on all completely pointless death missions?

Sollux, she's fucking human right now, and when she's not, she's just one troll. She doesn't have a fleet, she doesn't have anything, and there is nothing permanent she can do to us. We have friends and we have numbers here. We can fight her.

There is no reason why you should have to do this.

Karkat, if she's not a threat, then why are you even worried?

Because she's still a psychopathic bitch and you've decided to become her servant. I think that's cause for concern.

...she's not that psychopathic, she's more intimidating, then anything.

She would kill all of us in a beat of her vascular sac if she could. And that's why none of us should be around her! If she comes after us we can fucking stop her, but there's no reason to willingly put yourself in her path.

I can't even begin to tell you all of the ways this is terrible. And I'm being serious right now, listen to me. Note the lack of me being an asshole and trying to insult you. Sollux. This is a bad idea.

Isn't trying to gain some kind of alliance with the enemy a good idea though?

She'll never make an alliance with us. What she wants is the exact opposite of everything I want for us. There is no room for fucking compromise about any of this.

We need to stay away from her, and focus on protecting ourselves if she makes a move. You don't need to fucking give yourself up to her. Come on, I don't say this often, but you're better than this and you know that. You have a ridiculous array of bullshit powers, you're smarter than she is, you're even, miraculously, less of an insane douche than she is. You're worth more than she could ever be. There is no reason why she should be allowed to tell you what to do.

...I'm sorry, I fucked everything up.

Yeah, as usual.

[There's nothing hard to that statement, though. It's light, clearly meant as needling him like they always do rather than an actual criticism.]

Fortunately, this is easily fixed by you agreeing to never do that again.

I won't do it again, I promise. I'm sorry I worried everyone and I'm sorry I'm such a fucking idiot.

All right.

I'm not going to pretend you weren't being an idiot, but you don't need to beat yourself up over it. I get what you were trying to do.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty much the biggest idiot in the world but I'll stop talking about it.

[He gets the sense that everything is not really okay here, and he's concerned, but he doesn't really know how to ask about it. He cares about Sollux a lot, but they've never been touchy feely, and he doesn't know if Sollux will appreciate him prying. Sollux has a moirail, besides.]

It's Feferi you should be raking yourself across the coals for. You didn't do anything to me.

...Anyway.

No, I can't tell anyone else about this, especially Feferi.

You're not going back there. There's no reason to keep it a big fucking secret.

If I tell Feferi, she will definitely go after the Condesce. I don't want her knowing, at least not for a little longer.

...All right, fine. Just stay away from the empress and we are settled on this issue.

Deal.

[He smiles a little bit]

Thanks for not completely flying off the handle, KK.

Only internally.

[He shifts, looking awkward.]

I guess you want to know about my end of the bargain, then.

Yeah, I do.

Fine. I'll serve myself up as a buffet to satisfy the ravenous appetite of your morbid and pointless curiosity.

[He rubs at his face with a hand, using it as an excuse not to look directly at Sollux.]

Red.